Surface Happiness

I came online tonight for the first time in a while with the intention of just checking a few clerical things--emails and bank statement--and then getting down to my grading. But I signed onto AIM, and almost immediately heard from Becky and Jeff. It's been longer than I'd like since I got in touch with Becky, and she invited me to read her blog post for http://www.youngwomenandcatholicism.blogspot.com/. Reading that site, talking to friends and loved ones about how hard it is to keep in contact when we're apart, all brought a nagging realization to the surface.

You see, I've been happy the past few weeks. Enjoying my classes, especially the insight, creativity, and humor of Honors. Visiting my grandparents and older brother for the first time since the summer. Happy. But not content.

I realized today that I've been ignoring little things that have been rubbing at my subconscious. Discontent with the way I look, yet an inability to start doing the things I know I need to in order to lose weight. A sense that I should be managing my money better. The realization that I haven't really cleaned my apartment in a long time. The frustrating realization that I let school take over my life completely; and when it doesn't, I avoid it completely, leading to a lack of balance in my life. Being annoyed that my apartment still isn't decorated, yet I've done nothing about it. Many little things all adding up to the big frustrating question: is this what my life is? Is this all I'm doing?

I'm not sure how to fight this sense of missing something. At the moment I'm hoping it will subside as I talk to friends, and preferably visit them or have them visit me. I just want to be happy--without having it be just a surface happiness.

Busy busy break time!

In the short space of time since completing student teaching on Wednesday, I have: attended several celebrations, both school and student-sponsored; presented my electronic portfolio without caring much about the outcome; taken the cheapest flight to Philly, which stops in Boston first; discovered that the metal detectors in the Boston airport are so ridiculously sensitive that they go off for my hairclip and the underwire of my bra; seen Rachel for the first time since New Year's (YAY!!); attended my sister's almost-graduation outside, in a ridiculously long ceremony that had over 700 people walking to receive their degrees; gone back to Virginia without having to drive myself; introduced Rachel to Kings; attended my own almost-graduation; introduced my family to my boyfriend; created a blanket fort; attempted to clean up my room; and driven my car very slowly so that my boyfriend and his friend could make sure the mattress they were moving did not fall off the top of the car.

Now I am off on a somewhat spontaneous trip to New York City, after which will come assistantship work, master's project, job search, and preparation for summer class. Whew. No wonder I keep randomly passing out for hours in the middle of the day.

Books I have recently read, in no particular order:
Pawn of Prophecy, Queen of Sorcery, and Magician's Gambit, by David Eddings. A fairly pedestrian and predictable fantasy series.

Factoring Humanity, by Robert J. Sawyer. This one a more interesting sci-fi book where the sci-fi elements tend to come second or to support the psychological drama and tension happening in the book. Pretty well done.

Books from a little further back:
Storm Front (The Dresden Files, book 1) by Jim Butcher. I'd seen a bit of the TV series, but wasn't particularly drawn in. However, this book was really engaging. Butcher does a great job of making Dresden's voice so strong the reader tends to sympathize with him--or at least shake a head at his not-so-smart actions. A nice entertaining book, I'd check out others from this series.

Life is better with cookies and friends.

Oh, and I moved the map to the bottom of the blog, which I had figured I would need to do eventually anyway.

I guess the only thing I need to do now is attempt to get my work done and enjoy the first few days of student teaching before I take over. Send me happy thoughts!

Still reading: The Count of Monte Cristo. It's a long book.