New Routines

For the past two Saturdays, I've gone out shopping with my mother to return Christmas clothes that didn't fit and pick out new ones, and we end up going to lunch afterwards. I'm somewhat surprised how much I've enjoyed it. I wonder if she's finally figured out how to deal with the fact that I'm an adult now, or if it's the fact that I don't live at home, or if it's that I'm in a reasonable place compared to my other siblings. And too, I wonder if we're finally finding a common ground of things to discuss now that I'm teaching. Not only that, but I think I'm someone she turns to when she wants to have more intellectual discussions, especially about the kind of material she covers in her classes. It's a little strange; I never would have said that I felt particularly close to her when we were younger, but now I think we've come to a place where it's not about power struggles and we can really relate as people. I don't know. It's somewhat of an unusual place to be. Maybe it's because my parents' house still feels quite a bit like home, and my apartment--well, I haven't grown into it yet; it feels unfinished. And I don't know when it will feel like home to me. I need to get the last of the furniture in, get them all assembled, find places for everything, and then I'll be able to get myself sorted and decorate and hopefully feel more at home. Hopefully this won't have to wait until the summer--then it will have been a year after I moved in and I still wouldn't feel at home!