Too close and yet too far away

There's something very creepy when you end up hearing on the news about a weapons incident at your school, and then the very next day you return there's the worst school shooting in US history at a college not too far away. Half of me feels guilty for feeling this so strongly--I don't know anyone there, I'm not connected with the area, and so many people around me are. But my fear is real, and nameless; and yet had to be put aside for the normal routine of teaching. I was almost surprised to see that my students did not seem to be affected by this event at all. But then, the lives of teenagers are so wrapped in their own momentary concerns, unless they did know someone there I don't know if they really stopped to think about it. I don't know why it feels so close to me. Because I am a college student? Because, as recent events have shown, I may not be working in a place that is safe? Because so many people are gone, and we have to pick up the pieces?

It reminds me of the fear and feeling after 9/11. The nagging logical sense that everything was as fine as it could be, that there was no real danger, but the visceral fear underneath. The grief of the students at VT, whether they knew someone involved or not. I know if I were there I'd be just as shaken as someone who lost a friend. Seeing them on the news is hard enough. And of course the news is on pretty much all the time in the teacher's lounge. Sometimes I want to reach out and shut it off, to say enough, I can't feel any more, this influx needs to stop. I want to sit on the step as Becky did and proclaim that I am not all right. I feel this, and I can't ignore it forever. Perhaps that marks me as too sensitive, but it is true nonetheless.